MY REMORSE @ ASHU's B'DAY CELEBRATION

MY REMORSE

@

 ASHU’s B’DAY

06-10-08

Apurv Dubey

@

One day b4 this, I was chatting with my frnd. N she angrily said-”Now U r not my best frnd. U doesn’t call me regularly. I won’t talk to u now.”

Me: Nahi …Nahi… why r u snatching this status from me. It was the first time smbody called me her Best-Frnd. I was very happy. I thought I can make at least one person happy, But sorry why I’m sayin this to u. I can’t govern ur thoughts about me. Let’s talk smthin else.

….…long pause

Formula worked!!!

She: Are, I was kiddin. Ur my best frnd

Yo Appu Yo

Appu: Nahi rehne de…It’s Ok.

 

Moral of de story:”Smtimes Communication me Senti ho jao, to Kaam ban jaate hai.” So this is Senti-Communication Mode

  

 

@

N de other day I was wonderin- Who can commit all the sins in a day.

7 Sins described in any Religion:

Pride

Lust

Avarice

Gluttony

Wrath

Envy

Sloth

 

@

I committed all Sins in a short span of 2 hrs.

It all started at 5:45 in de morning

‘Richa Gupta’ flashin on my mobile screen

Appu: 90% Sleep….Hello

Richa: Uth jaa- Uth jaa, 6:15 GH ke bahar mil

Appu: Hau….

6:15, Appu wit Cake packet, outside GH.

Richa comin on Scooty

 

 

Appu: Good morning!

Nice Jacket….Leather…hmm

Richa: Nai re.

Appu-why I don’t hav such jacket

Hima from GH…“Gauru ko koi lekar nahi aaya”…

Gauru ka phone aaya tha, bol raha tha:” mujhe to koi lene hi nahi aaya”…

Appu: Pehle cake to tumhe de du. Ise hold koun karega.

…Picked Gauru

Subah ki 06:30…Hum chale…kisi ko B’day wish karne!!!

 

Today everything on time

 Rahil met us at Gurudwara, AB Road

Rahil: Nimmu bhi aa raha hai

Gauru: Haa mene usko landline par missed call diya tha

 

Reached Ashu’s home-06:45-Lock on the gate-Everybody sleepin

Appu thought-Chalo wapas-apan bhi soyenge

…MY SLOTH

Gaurav mere kaan me-Chay pine chalte hai

My status- Aadhi neend-Aadhi fati-Nimesh ka intezaar (After all pehli baar aisa kuch kar rahe hai)

Girls- Koi Main Gate kyo nahi kud ke, bell baja raha

Appu ki aadhi neend khuli

Appu the stud-Appu the hero

Yo Appu-Yo

Went to back of de house, Chaukidaar se-Bhaiya-Kab-kab tak uthenge yeh kutumble-“Ashu uth gaye honge”

One girl (Chaukidaar ki ladki) went to main gate crossed-started shoutin-“Ashu bhaiya”

“He –Ha koun –kyo-he”- Ashu opened de gallery gate

Everybody rushed-Sab chhup jao-only Rahil on the gate-No, he is with camera-

Ashu long angrai- Tum sab-6:45 ho rahe hai-I shouted-“Andar jake so mat jaana, neeche ke gate khol”

Ashu: Ha aa raha hu

Nobody noticed

Appu ki kati

Ashu came to ground floor-3/4^th in sleep

Opened the gate, we were not invited

smbdy told: Invite to kar- andar to aane de. Ashu ½ in sleep

Grah-Pravesh

Appu holding camera-Nobody wished Ashu-Rahil in search-mode for hose pipe, water tap, Balti

Ashu- What rahil is doing?

Appu wished n hugged. Happy B’Day dear!

Everyone wished

 Rahil stretchin hands- khuli hawa me thoda achha feel ho raha hai

 

Uncle (Ashu’s Papa) came by Auto-Rickshaw (He goes to Gym daily by 06:00)

Ashu-the traditions-Touched his feet-Papa wished him lookin at us-THE STRANGERS

Chaukidaar gave 2 Pink roses to Ashu

Ashu introduced us to Dad

I was looking at de camera to understand it-Raised eyes to say hello as he introduced me, I said “hello.” N simultaneously, Ashu said: She is ‘Richa’, pointin to her. Uncle looking at her… greetings

…Meri fir kati

Uncle invited us in house

Uncle: Surprise-party…hmm

Rahil: Uncle, Shocking-party in fact

Everybody laughed

Rahil got good impre on uncle

Maine kyun kuchh achha nahi bola (…fir kati…)

…MY ENVY

 

Everybody sat

Ashu came in new costume, we chatted

Ashu’s interview-

Rahil: Kaisa lag raha hai aapko

Ashu: Ye bilkul shocking hai, nobody celebrates frnz’ B’day like this, Tum sab kitne yaad aaoge (…mua…mua…)

 

Hima: Hum ye video banayenge, like in ‘Rock on’

Rahil: Ha fir me aur iski wife market ma milenge,me bolunga-“Ashutosh Kutumble 6^th Oct”

Ashu quickly responded- “Ha phir me tujhe nahi pahchanuga (as in ‘Rock On’)

Everybody in laughter

Appu- Mue….mue…Appu jaag. Kuchh bol gadhe

Interview over

 

Lets go out-

Ashu- kya kyo

Ashu in lawn

Girls gonna crazy: kar do geela..geela kar do, Are ladko geela karo

 Appu- ½ awake…

Yo Appu...Yo

Appu: Hima hold the camera...Hee …

Yo Appu Yo

Nimesh switch on the tap

I raised Ashu’s legs

Rahil holding arm-pit

Nimesh poured water on Ashu...

Yo Ashu yo...yo Ashu yo

Appu sayin-“Nimmu pressure se…pressure…

This time he listened…processed the data… analyzed, No implementation…NO actuation…

Yo Appu Yo...

Appu: Nimu hold him …

I took the pipe… with pressure on his face...Rahil drenched…Richa fired (with water).

 

Ashu’s clipping

Richa: How u r feeling

Ashu: Very wet…its wet!!

I gifted a rose…

Rahil: Have this rose, Sorry for making u wet

Ashu: Ye kisne diya tha ……achha chaukidaar bhaiya ne

Pack up time!

 

Scene: Ashu’s living room

 

Costume change

Everybody ready for de cake..

Aha… kuch khane ko milega …cake…

Yummy

…MY GLUTTONY

 

Uncle serving the plates...Girls stood up from the seat…Nahi ye hamara kaam hai

 

Yo Mahila Muklti morcha yo!!...

 

 Uncle: Ye chivada ...Ispar Ashu 2 din tak zinda rah sakta hai…

Absurd thought…Life saving element...Speak up Appu… Speak up. Thenga    

Rahil changed de topic

 

Gaurav n Nimmu on the left (like the leftist of the Czar (Russian) Rulers shouting against the King, Nimmu:”Ye bata sabse pehla Call kiska aaya tha raat me”, with an intention (I won’t tell u …what intention….may be GF!!)

Ashu: Irrelevant Question….

 

Hima opened the cake packing….

Yo Mahila Yo

Family members joined for the cake celebration

 

Appu…the photographer…Everybody mute ... B’day anthem ….

Everyone un-enthu (enthusiast)… Mature Ashu who would sing for “Uncle Ashu”….

Ashu smelled the cake...stinkin….

Hima: Don’t eat….

Nimmu on me: Is ka fridge kharab hai …..

Everyone grunting

Rahil:  Ab to is ko Ashu ke face par…

Haa haa(unison).

Yahi par …

Appu: Kneel down Ashu

Ashu 102% awake… Haa Haa….knelt down….

Ashu: Me ye apne aap kyo kar raha hu… stood up

Flop idea (inference of everyone’s mind).

Fir kati….

Take him out in lawn

Ashu: Hao hamari Ants ko bhi Cake khane do

Appu switch on the video mode…

Appu: Nimmu, which one is video setting...

Nimmu workin

Yo mechanic (Sry mechanical engineer Yo)

Done...Go N shoot

Praju’s call…Ashu busy….birds chirping…Group barking...

Rahil: Praju ko bol mere cell par call kare...free padega……..

Yo BSNL Yo

Rahil to Praju: Listen…hum cake face par lagane waale  hai...

Nimmu, hold Ashu…

Ashu the builder...(Body Builder n Civil Engg)

Fati Nimmu…Fati Gaurav…

Appu: Are pakdo

Rahil: Me action bolunga tab, Appu switch on the camera

Appu: Are Haa Haa

 

ACTION

 

BANG!!POW!!!!!BANG!!!!BANG!!!!

                                   (UUU…….Sry redundancy error!!!)

(Sorry bas itna hi, English Comics me pada hai)

 

 

What a shot!!!!

 

Evryone laughing….

Appu the photographer, making different angles…

Ashu: Gr8 shot

Appu Photo bhi le

Appu: Nimmu yeh hai kya setting

Nimmu took the camera ... click …Ye aisa kar

Appu: Ok

Ab isko nehlao

Ashu 102% awake…….. Leading the team…

Ashu: Ao karo geela….Chalo pani chalu karo, Gaurav……..

Girls holding water pipe... (Wah re Ashu… kismat)

Ashu cleaning the face……… Appu shoot in camera

Appu: Rahil, see the video setting

Rahil: Abe tu aise to shoot nahi kar raha … abhi Stand-By mode me hai

Everyone shock in “shock party”

Everyone barking:  Bho Bho Appu Bho

Rahil: Nahi!!! Appu tune stand-by me shoot kara, aur ON hone par camera neecha kar diya

Ashu: You ruined my party

Appu: Are phir se cake scene karte hai script ke saath

Ulti (Ultimate) kati…… kati….patang kati……loooto looto …maaro …maaro

Ashu: GPL

Nimmu: Always ready for me…..my beloved frnd

Nimmu lift his legs

Ashu: Gaurav mar

Gauru with full LOVE!!

DHAMMA!!

 

Appu : hee…ye..hee….ye…Kuch nahi hua………. Hee

Nimmu with wrong angle…. Yeh le ….

Appu : Nahi nahi ….Nimmu yaha se nahi ye galat angle hai

COOL APPU COOL….Nobody to beat

Ashu : phek do. Nimmu ko maro

Hima: Appu, kya yaar………hat

He…he………Appu on floor…..stood up but there is no floor…mere neeche ki zamen kaha gayi

Appu: Abe phir se check kar……

Nahi hai

Are yaar Appu

My inner man: Phadu….kapde…phadu…gadhe

Appu calm down……..

System on Senti-Communication mode……….drop down chin muscle…wet eyes….Mue Mue…

Abe Appu Senti mat ho

 

 

Richa: Back in lawn- Cake-Attack

Hima: Half cake is still remaining

Everybody in Lawn

Drenched Ashu: 98% awake

Appu, this time U throw de cake

Rahil…the photographer

Nimmu, Gaurav holding Ashu

Ashu screaming….

Hima, Richa jumping….. Ashu chilla…..”Bachao Bachao

Ashu bhag jaa… bhag jaa Ashu”

Rahil: Chill ladies

Appu attack

Appu: Hi hi ha ha ha!!!…Ashu yeh face mujhe de de …

Ashu: Nahi nahi…..

 

BANG!!!

 

Cake on side face…

BHO BHO…Appu cake-attack achha nahi tha

Appu: Are woh cake bikhra hua hai, sambhal ker maarna pada

Public opinion: (No comments from my side)

Phir se GPL

Appu: Nahi nahi

Nimesh ki GPL

HAU HAU

First face off

Ashu cleaned the face…. Girls in action, with water pipe (Wah re teri kismet…Ashu)

[My happy side: Kuchh jal raha hai

My devil side: He he …Nahi nahi sunrays on me…]

 

Back in lawn…

Nimmu ki GPL…

Achanak nimmu ki Gardan dukhne lagti hai

My beloved frnd…Bharpur Prem…

Appu: I’m doin Acupuncture…its helpful…Sachhi me…

Aha…Appu 100% awake

…MY WRATH

 

 

 

Chai (TEA) ready

Two cups for Gaurav (100% awake… )

[NOTE:Gauru’s whole power lies in Chai]

Nimmu:  Biscuits

Everybody: BHO BHO…… kutta samajh kar rakha hai kya

Gaurav in my kaan: Ab milli subah ki chai

Appu:  5 Rs ki hai, Gaurav ko 10 Rs ki milli

Nimmu: abe teen me milti hai bahar

(Gujju saala………Jignesh)

Appu : Cup ke bhi to jod…

 

Living Room

Costume change

Ashu: Last pair of shorts…Ab kuchh mat karna

Hee…pajama pahen le

Ashu: Nahi bas itne hi hai, dus saal baad main char short khareed loonga

Appu: Dus saal bad bhi sirf char hi khareedega

(My intention: Dus saal tak ye hi teen chalayega)

Everybody laughed

Appu’s graph…. Positive slope again

Yo Appu Yo

 

Chalo Ravi ke Pohe

Sharma chalo…paas me hai…

Varun’s entry

Ashu n Varun discussin smthin in private

 

Group: Bakar-bakar

Nimmu: Cake kon laya tha

Hima: Me…par me paise nahi lungi

Appu: ha…chalo paise bache

…MY AVARICE

 

Sabki “Fat-Fati ya”…uua…uaa…

Sharma per Jhadoo lag rahi hai

Appu: Spoilt cake milega kya pucho …

LAUGH

Yo Appu Yo

 

Supriya’s call to Ashu

 

Chalo “Panchamrit”

Bad conditions of road

Everyone still safe

Idhar bhi jhadoo…….. but Pohe ready … No customer…..

Maalik busy in studying news paper

Ashu in, everybody in veranda

Ashu gave poha to all

Begin eating ….

Ashu: Supriya,Praju nahi aa sakte the bahut door hai…

Rahil: Obvious hai

Ashu: Achhhe nahi hai pohe

Everyone: Hmm

Ashu: Cake kaun laaya

 Hima: Me aur Ankur

Ashu: Ankur kyo nahi aaya

 Richa: Uske Papa ko lene gaya hai Railway station

Richa: He he ….. Exhaust ho gaye, bahut saare hai pohe

Ashu: Aur achhe bhi nahi hai

Nimmu: Par quantity zyada hai, (Jignesh) canteen me to bahut kam deta hai

Appu:  Isko canteen ka tender dilwa de

(My thought: Yeh Ashu hamesha bahut straight uda deta hai)

Ankur’s phone to richa and talked to Ashu

Richa: Haa finished (Finished poha first)

Yeh spoon kaha rakhu

Everyone: Bkar-Bkar

Appu finished second

 Yo Appu Yo

…MY PRIDE

 

Appu placed spoon in dustbin and as he was placing the paper plate on spoon’s place

Kachre Appu kachre

Jaise hi Nimmu Girls aur mere beech me aaya ….I confimed ladkiya mujhe nahi dekh sakti , waise hi Appu ne foorti se dustbin me haath ghusaya aur spoon n plate ki place shuffle kar di

Decent appu……. Smiling Appu

Richa: Pani…..Pani  kaha hai

Appu in action …wo…wo …Haath dhone ka ….ya peene ka chahiye

Richa: Peene ka

Appu went in

Maalik studing news paper

Appu: Bhaiya 4 ya 5 pani pouch dena

Nobody listened

Assistant working for a lady customer

My vision turned to lady…

…MY LUST

 O O O…not a lady…a girl….pink top….tomato chin…..but moti…huh (leave it Appu)

(…MUA MUA…BHAGWAN IS JANMO KE PAAP KI SAZA ISI JANM ME KYO MILTI HAI…KAM SE KAM END ME LADKI TO ACHHI DIKHA DETE…MUA…MUA!!! )

 

Appu: Bhaiya 6 pouches milenge. Maalik staring at me ….Again studing

Mere kachre …..

Girl laughing

Appu staring around…..Nobody other than girl huh …hat moti…

Assistant finished girl’s work

Looked at me

Gave 5 chilled water pouches

Nimmu took three and gave to girls

Saala zyada hero banta hai

Appu: Gaurav tu hi pee le pani

Ashu sat on a bike on main stand

Gaurav drinking 2 pouches

Appu staring at Ashu’s lambi lambi taange….hairy hairy taange

Than looking at girls, What girls are staring at

Thank GOD, they are not looking at his taange

But to avoid any scene

I said: Chale

Ashu greeting everybody personally

I Rahil (Saying: thank you)

II Gaurav (saying: thank you)

III Appu (I listened to Ashu…My ears took input…mind processed n a word from my lexicon matched: “Chuutiye”)

He he…he called me Chu…

Appu: kya…kya…. Bol phir se bol

IV Hima : (Thanks)

Hima : kya bola ye

Appu: ha bol bol phir se bol …..

Appu: me batau

Laugh

Now a Sigh of relief

Appu in form

V  Richa

VI Nimmu

Hima: Aisa hi hota hai. Hamari class me bhi do ladko ko kuch bolna hota hai to bolte hai “Hima udhar dekh”

Hima: Phir apan wapas palto to bolte hai ham ek doosre ko happy b’day bol rahe tha

He He Ha Ha

Very funny!

 

 

So this is my remorse, I committed every sin today

But everything was fun!!

I enjoyed n feel everyone enjoyed

So this was Ashu’s B’day celebration

Interesting na…

 

I have written this because

1: Writing has become my hobby.

2: Ashu said “Mere karan video is lost …No proof…Ab wo apne wife aur bachcho ko kaun sa video dikhayega”

Mua...Mua…

 

 

So this is my gift to you

Make them read this. It’s more fun than a video

CHILL DUDE!

YO APPU YO!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

ROCK ON!!!!