MY REMORSE
@
ASHU’s B’DAY
06-10-08
Apurv Dubey
One day b4 this, I was chatting with my frnd. N she angrily said-”Now U r not my best frnd. U doesn’t call me regularly. I won’t talk to u now.”
Me: Nahi …Nahi… why r u snatching this status from me. It was the first time smbody called me her Best-Frnd. I was very happy. I thought I can make at least one person happy, But sorry why I’m sayin this to u. I can’t govern ur thoughts about me. Let’s talk smthin else.
….…long pause
Formula worked!!!
She: Are, I was kiddin. Ur my best frnd
Yo Appu Yo
Appu: Nahi rehne de…It’s Ok.
Moral of de story:”Smtimes Communication me Senti ho jao, to Kaam ban jaate hai.” So this is Senti-Communication Mode
@
N de other day I was wonderin- Who can commit all the sins in a day.
7 Sins described in any Religion:
Pride
Lust
Avarice
Gluttony
Wrath
Envy
Sloth
@
I committed all Sins in a short span of 2 hrs.
It all started at 5:45 in de morning
‘Richa Gupta’ flashin on my mobile screen
Appu: 90% Sleep….Hello
Richa: Uth jaa- Uth jaa, 6:15 GH ke bahar mil
Appu: Hau….
6:15, Appu wit Cake packet, outside GH.
Richa comin on Scooty
Appu: Good morning!
Nice Jacket….Leather…hmm
Richa: Nai re.
Appu-why I don’t hav such jacket
Hima from GH…“Gauru ko koi lekar nahi aaya”…
Gauru ka phone aaya tha, bol raha tha:” mujhe to koi lene hi nahi aaya”…
Appu: Pehle cake to tumhe de du. Ise hold koun karega.
…Picked Gauru
Subah ki 06:30…Hum chale…kisi ko B’day wish karne!!!
Today everything on time
Rahil met us at Gurudwara, AB Road
Rahil: Nimmu bhi aa raha hai
Gauru: Haa mene usko landline par missed call diya tha
Reached Ashu’s home-06:45-Lock on the gate-Everybody sleepin
Appu thought-Chalo wapas-apan bhi soyenge
…MY SLOTH
Gaurav mere kaan me-Chay pine chalte hai
My status- Aadhi neend-Aadhi fati-Nimesh ka intezaar (After all pehli baar aisa kuch kar rahe hai)
Girls- Koi Main Gate kyo nahi kud ke, bell baja raha
Appu ki aadhi neend khuli
Appu the stud-Appu the hero
Yo Appu-Yo
Went to back of de house, Chaukidaar se-Bhaiya-Kab-kab tak uthenge yeh kutumble-“Ashu uth gaye honge”
One girl (Chaukidaar ki ladki) went to main gate crossed-started shoutin-“Ashu bhaiya”
“He –Ha koun –kyo-he”- Ashu opened de gallery gate
Everybody rushed-Sab chhup jao-only Rahil on the gate-No, he is with camera-
Ashu long angrai- Tum sab-6:45 ho rahe hai-I shouted-“Andar jake so mat jaana, neeche ke gate khol”
Ashu: Ha aa raha hu
Nobody noticed
Appu ki kati
Ashu came to ground floor-3/4th in sleep
Opened the gate, we were not invited
smbdy told: Invite to kar- andar to aane de. Ashu ½ in sleep
Grah-Pravesh
Appu holding camera-Nobody wished Ashu-Rahil in search-mode for hose pipe, water tap, Balti
Ashu- What rahil is doing?
Appu wished n hugged. Happy B’Day dear!
Everyone wished
Rahil stretchin hands- khuli hawa me thoda achha feel ho raha hai
Uncle (Ashu’s Papa) came by Auto-Rickshaw (He goes to Gym daily by 06:00)
Ashu-the traditions-Touched his feet-Papa wished him lookin at us-THE STRANGERS
Chaukidaar gave 2 Pink roses to Ashu
Ashu introduced us to Dad
I was looking at de camera to understand it-Raised eyes to say hello as he introduced me, I said “hello.” N simultaneously, Ashu said: She is ‘Richa’, pointin to her. Uncle looking at her… greetings
…Meri fir kati
Uncle invited us in house
Uncle: Surprise-party…hmm
Rahil: Uncle, Shocking-party in fact
Everybody laughed
Rahil got good impre on uncle
Maine kyun kuchh achha nahi bola (…fir kati…)
…MY ENVY
Everybody sat
Ashu came in new costume, we chatted
Ashu’s interview-
Rahil: Kaisa lag raha hai aapko
Ashu: Ye bilkul shocking hai, nobody celebrates frnz’ B’day like this, Tum sab kitne yaad aaoge (…mua…mua…)
Hima: Hum ye video banayenge, like in ‘Rock on’
Rahil: Ha fir me aur iski wife market ma milenge,me bolunga-“Ashutosh Kutumble 6th Oct”
Ashu quickly responded- “Ha phir me tujhe nahi pahchanuga (as in ‘Rock On’)
Everybody in laughter
Appu- Mue….mue…Appu jaag. Kuchh bol gadhe
Interview over
Lets go out-
Ashu- kya kyo
Ashu in lawn
Girls gonna crazy: kar do geela..geela kar do, Are ladko geela karo
Appu- ½ awake…
Yo Appu...Yo
Appu: Hima hold the camera...Hee …
Yo Appu Yo
Nimesh switch on the tap
I raised Ashu’s legs
Rahil holding arm-pit
Nimesh poured water on Ashu...
Yo Ashu yo...yo Ashu yo
Appu sayin-“Nimmu pressure se…pressure…
This time he listened…processed the data… analyzed, No implementation…NO actuation…
Yo Appu Yo...
Appu: Nimu hold him …
I took the pipe… with pressure on his face...Rahil drenched…Richa fired (with water).
Ashu’s clipping
Richa: How u r feeling
Ashu: Very wet…its wet!!
I gifted a rose…
Rahil: Have this rose, Sorry for making u wet
Ashu: Ye kisne diya tha ……achha chaukidaar bhaiya ne
Pack up time!
Scene: Ashu’s living room
Costume change
Everybody ready for de cake..
Aha… kuch khane ko milega …cake…
Yummy
…MY GLUTTONY
Uncle serving the plates...Girls stood up from the seat…Nahi ye hamara kaam hai
Yo Mahila Muklti morcha yo!!...
Uncle: Ye chivada ...Ispar Ashu 2 din tak zinda rah sakta hai…
Absurd thought…Life saving element...Speak up Appu… Speak up. Thenga
Rahil changed de topic
Gaurav n Nimmu on the left (like the leftist of the Czar (Russian) Rulers shouting against the King, Nimmu:”Ye bata sabse pehla Call kiska aaya tha raat me”, with an intention (I won’t tell u …what intention….may be GF!!)
Ashu: Irrelevant Question….
Hima opened the cake packing….
Yo Mahila Yo
Family members joined for the cake celebration
Appu…the photographer…Everybody mute ... B’day anthem ….
Everyone un-enthu (enthusiast)… Mature Ashu who would sing for “Uncle Ashu”….
Ashu smelled the cake...stinkin….
Hima: Don’t eat….
Nimmu on me: Is ka fridge kharab hai …..
Everyone grunting
Rahil: Ab to is ko Ashu ke face par…
Haa haa(unison).
Yahi par …
Appu: Kneel down Ashu
Ashu 102% awake… Haa Haa….knelt down….
Ashu: Me ye apne aap kyo kar raha hu… stood up
Flop idea (inference of everyone’s mind).
Fir kati….
Take him out in lawn
Ashu: Hao hamari Ants ko bhi Cake khane do
Appu switch on the video mode…
Appu: Nimmu, which one is video setting...
Nimmu workin
Yo mechanic (Sry mechanical engineer Yo)
Done...Go N shoot
Praju’s call…Ashu busy….birds chirping…Group barking...
Rahil: Praju ko bol mere cell par call kare...free padega……..
Yo BSNL Yo
Rahil to Praju: Listen…hum cake face par lagane waale hai...
Nimmu, hold Ashu…
Ashu the builder...(Body Builder n Civil Engg)
Fati Nimmu…Fati Gaurav…
Appu: Are pakdo
Rahil: Me action bolunga tab, Appu switch on the camera
Appu: Are Haa Haa
ACTION
BANG!!POW!!!!!BANG!!!!BANG!!!!
(UUU…….Sry redundancy error!!!)
(Sorry bas itna hi, English Comics me pada hai)
What a shot!!!!
Evryone laughing….
Appu the photographer, making different angles…
Ashu: Gr8 shot
Appu Photo bhi le
Appu: Nimmu yeh hai kya setting
Nimmu took the camera ... click …Ye aisa kar
Appu: Ok
Ab isko nehlao
Ashu 102% awake…….. Leading the team…
Ashu: Ao karo geela….Chalo pani chalu karo, Gaurav……..
Girls holding water pipe... (Wah re Ashu… kismat)
Ashu cleaning the face……… Appu shoot in camera
Appu: Rahil, see the video setting
Rahil: Abe tu aise to shoot nahi kar raha … abhi Stand-By mode me hai
Everyone shock in “shock party”
Everyone barking: Bho Bho Appu Bho
Rahil: Nahi!!! Appu tune stand-by me shoot kara, aur ON hone par camera neecha kar diya
Ashu: You ruined my party
Appu: Are phir se cake scene karte hai script ke saath
Ulti (Ultimate) kati…… kati….patang kati……loooto looto …maaro …maaro
Ashu: GPL
Nimmu: Always ready for me…..my beloved frnd
Nimmu lift his legs
Ashu: Gaurav mar
Gauru with full LOVE!!
DHAMMA!!
Appu : hee…ye..hee….ye…Kuch nahi hua………. Hee
Nimmu with wrong angle…. Yeh le ….
Appu : Nahi nahi ….Nimmu yaha se nahi ye galat angle hai
COOL APPU COOL….Nobody to beat
Ashu : phek do. Nimmu ko maro
Hima: Appu, kya yaar………hat
He…he………Appu on floor…..stood up but there is no floor…mere neeche ki zamen kaha gayi
Appu: Abe phir se check kar……
Nahi hai
Are yaar Appu
My inner man: Phadu….kapde…phadu…gadhe
Appu calm down……..
System on Senti-Communication mode……….drop down chin muscle…wet eyes….Mue Mue…
Abe Appu Senti mat ho
Richa: Back in lawn- Cake-Attack
Hima: Half cake is still remaining
Everybody in Lawn
Drenched Ashu: 98% awake
Appu, this time U throw de cake
Rahil…the photographer
Nimmu, Gaurav holding Ashu
Ashu screaming….
Hima, Richa jumping….. Ashu chilla…..”Bachao Bachao
Ashu bhag jaa… bhag jaa Ashu”
Rahil: Chill ladies
Appu attack
Appu: Hi hi ha ha ha!!!…Ashu yeh face mujhe de de …
Ashu: Nahi nahi…..
BANG!!!
Cake on side face…
BHO BHO…Appu cake-attack achha nahi tha
Appu: Are woh cake bikhra hua hai, sambhal ker maarna pada
Public opinion: (No comments from my side)
Phir se GPL
Appu: Nahi nahi
Nimesh ki GPL
HAU HAU
First face off
Ashu cleaned the face…. Girls in action, with water pipe (Wah re teri kismet…Ashu)
[My happy side: Kuchh jal raha hai
My devil side: He he …Nahi nahi sunrays on me…]
Back in lawn…
Nimmu ki GPL…
Achanak nimmu ki Gardan dukhne lagti hai
My beloved frnd…Bharpur Prem…
Appu: I’m doin Acupuncture…its helpful…Sachhi me…
Aha…Appu 100% awake
…MY WRATH
Chai (TEA) ready
Two cups for Gaurav (100% awake… )
[NOTE:Gauru’s whole power lies in Chai]
Nimmu: Biscuits
Everybody: BHO BHO…… kutta samajh kar rakha hai kya
Gaurav in my kaan: Ab milli subah ki chai
Appu: 5 Rs ki hai, Gaurav ko 10 Rs ki milli
Nimmu: abe teen me milti hai bahar
(Gujju saala………Jignesh)
Appu : Cup ke bhi to jod…
Living Room
Costume change
Ashu: Last pair of shorts…Ab kuchh mat karna
Hee…pajama pahen le
Ashu: Nahi bas itne hi hai, dus saal baad main char short khareed loonga
Appu: Dus saal bad bhi sirf char hi khareedega
(My intention: Dus saal tak ye hi teen chalayega)
Everybody laughed
Appu’s graph…. Positive slope again
Yo Appu Yo
Chalo Ravi ke Pohe
Sharma chalo…paas me hai…
Varun’s entry
Ashu n Varun discussin smthin in private
Group: Bakar-bakar
Nimmu: Cake kon laya tha
Hima: Me…par me paise nahi lungi
Appu: ha…chalo paise bache
…MY AVARICE
Sabki “Fat-Fati ya”…uua…uaa…
Sharma per Jhadoo lag rahi hai
Appu: Spoilt cake milega kya pucho …
LAUGH
Yo Appu Yo
Supriya’s call to Ashu
Chalo “Panchamrit”
Bad conditions of road
Everyone still safe
Idhar bhi jhadoo…….. but Pohe ready … No customer…..
Maalik busy in studying news paper
Ashu in, everybody in veranda
Ashu gave poha to all
Begin eating ….
Ashu: Supriya,Praju nahi aa sakte the bahut door hai…
Rahil: Obvious hai
Ashu: Achhhe nahi hai pohe
Everyone: Hmm
Ashu: Cake kaun laaya
Hima: Me aur Ankur
Ashu: Ankur kyo nahi aaya
Richa: Uske Papa ko lene gaya hai Railway station
Richa: He he ….. Exhaust ho gaye, bahut saare hai pohe
Ashu: Aur achhe bhi nahi hai
Nimmu: Par quantity zyada hai, (Jignesh) canteen me to bahut kam deta hai
Appu: Isko canteen ka tender dilwa de
(My thought: Yeh Ashu hamesha bahut straight uda deta hai)
Ankur’s phone to richa and talked to Ashu
Richa: Haa finished (Finished poha first)
Yeh spoon kaha rakhu
Everyone: Bkar-Bkar
Appu finished second
Yo Appu Yo
…MY PRIDE
Appu placed spoon in dustbin and as he was placing the paper plate on spoon’s place
Kachre Appu kachre
Jaise hi Nimmu Girls aur mere beech me aaya ….I confimed ladkiya mujhe nahi dekh sakti , waise hi Appu ne foorti se dustbin me haath ghusaya aur spoon n plate ki place shuffle kar di
Decent appu……. Smiling Appu
Richa: Pani…..Pani kaha hai
Appu in action …wo…wo …Haath dhone ka ….ya peene ka chahiye
Richa: Peene ka
Appu went in
Maalik studing news paper
Appu: Bhaiya 4 ya 5 pani pouch dena
Nobody listened
Assistant working for a lady customer
My vision turned to lady…
…MY LUST
O O O…not a lady…a girl….pink top….tomato chin…..but moti…huh (leave it Appu)
(…MUA MUA…BHAGWAN IS JANMO KE PAAP KI SAZA ISI JANM ME KYO MILTI HAI…KAM SE KAM END ME LADKI TO ACHHI DIKHA DETE…MUA…MUA!!! )
Appu: Bhaiya 6 pouches milenge. Maalik staring at me ….Again studing
Mere kachre …..
Girl laughing
Appu staring around…..Nobody other than girl huh …hat moti…
Assistant finished girl’s work
Looked at me
Gave 5 chilled water pouches
Nimmu took three and gave to girls
Saala zyada hero banta hai
Appu: Gaurav tu hi pee le pani
Ashu sat on a bike on main stand
Gaurav drinking 2 pouches
Appu staring at Ashu’s lambi lambi taange….hairy hairy taange
Than looking at girls, What girls are staring at
Thank GOD, they are not looking at his taange
But to avoid any scene
I said: Chale
Ashu greeting everybody personally
I Rahil (Saying: thank you)
II Gaurav (saying: thank you)
III Appu (I listened to Ashu…My ears took input…mind processed n a word from my lexicon matched: “Chuutiye”)
He he…he called me Chu…
Appu: kya…kya…. Bol phir se bol
IV Hima : (Thanks)
Hima : kya bola ye
Appu: ha bol bol phir se bol …..
Appu: me batau
Laugh
Now a Sigh of relief
Appu in form
V Richa
VI Nimmu
Hima: Aisa hi hota hai. Hamari class me bhi do ladko ko kuch bolna hota hai to bolte hai “Hima udhar dekh”
Hima: Phir apan wapas palto to bolte hai ham ek doosre ko happy b’day bol rahe tha
He He Ha Ha
Very funny!
So this is my remorse, I committed every sin today
But everything was fun!!
I enjoyed n feel everyone enjoyed
So this was Ashu’s B’day celebration
Interesting na…
I have written this because
1: Writing has become my hobby.
2: Ashu said “Mere karan video is lost …No proof…Ab wo apne wife aur bachcho ko kaun sa video dikhayega”
Mua...Mua…
So this is my gift to you
Make them read this. It’s more fun than a video
CHILL DUDE!
YO APPU YO!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
ROCK ON!!!!
